Keep Calm: 10 Tips to Put Play Back Into Your Day
Read Ask Fei
Dear Fei,
I’ve enjoyed your posts about child’s play and our Joyride in June, but with everything going on in the country and world right now, it’s hard to take “play” seriously. I’m struggling to keep my head above water with work, raising children, keeping house, and a full list of sorority and church obligations. I can barely find time to groom my nails, so tell me: how can I play?
Puzzled About Play
Dear Puzzled,
I feel the frustration in your words. There is much vying for our attention these days, seeking to thwart our play.
People in the USA and the world face a wide range of crisis-level issues that cannot and should not be minimized—ongoing wars, deportation battles raging in the streets, tariffs inflating the prices of everyday goods and services, job losses leaving both public and private sector workers feeling insecure, and more. Our collective anxiety, especially among Black women who in April lost their jobs more than anyone else, has reached a fever pitch.
Against this and our often-overwhelming family responsibilities, play can seem frivolous. Time is scarce. Play doesn’t reward us with materialisms, such as money. And it can feel like goofing off.
But how much more troubling will life be if you are emotionally unwell and weighed down with sadness, worry, confusion, or other signs of emotional distress?
That’s why it’s more important than ever for us to be intentional about self-care, especially our mental health.
Engaging in child’s play—the kind that’s imaginative, flexible, non-pressurized, free-spirited, and individualized—is a therapeutic and replenishing part of doing just that. It allows us to pause and choose how we spend our time and our energy. It signals that we don’t need to take the bait and buy into what’s being said and done around us. Unplugging to experience moments of fun and amusement also helps us cope with negativity, minimize the noise, and reduce its impact on our overall wellbeing. Then, we can make clear choices that help our families and communities thrive, even amid chaos.
Play is essentially that: choosing you. Taking care of you first so that you can care for others. It’s liberating yourself from needing to use every moment to be productive and basing your self-worth on productivity. Doing so requires that you put on your big girl’s panties and get courageous enough to, well, play.
According to researcher Brené Brown, wholehearted adults—those, she says, with the courage to be vulnerable and live their lives "all in"—play. She highlights that play, especially when it involves trying new things or being open to creative expression, can feel vulnerable but it is that vulnerability, as in taking risks, where emotions like love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity are born.
What play you do doesn’t really matter; all that matters is that it reflects you and you enjoy doing it. Here are ten tips to help you reconnect with and make room for soulful playtime in your routine:
Welcome the role of play, reminding yourself that deliberate play is your opportunity to remove the heavy armors of adulting and actively boost your well-being.
Reframe play as vital self-care that recharges your energy and creativity, rather than as a luxury or laziness.
Mine your childhood joys, remembering what lit you up (or would have) as a child and revisiting those activities, even in small, adult-friendly ways.
Treat play like a can’t-miss appointment, scheduling it in your calendar with the same commitment you give a crucial meeting—non-negotiable and essential.
Micro-dose joy by committing to 5-to-15-minute "play snacks" throughout your day versus waiting for big blocks of time.
Define your fun (not theirs), understanding that play is personal so identify what truly feels light, engaging, and joyful to you.
Keep a play ideas jar that holds slips of paper containing playful activities that interest you; when your scheduled playtime arrives, pull one out and go.
Embrace the silly, giving yourself permission to be imperfect, spontaneous, and even a little ridiculous.
Share the silliness by inviting a friend or two to join in the play and amplify the joy and accountability.
Audit the joy weekly to keep tabs on your progress. Did you pencil in play? What worked? How did it help you? What new play can you explore next week?
Let go and get to playing for the sheer joy of it!
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True Selfers’ practice this week
Listen to this audiobook preview of “Chase the Fun: 100 Days to Discover Fun Right Where You Are,” by Annie F. Downs for more ideas on how to play.
Repeat daily this week’s hymn: “It's perfectly okay for me to be silly and play today.”
Watch or rewatch the movie, Girls’ Trip, as a silly ways-to-play lesson from the Flossy Posse, a group of childhood best friends who reunite for a much-needed vacay. Do only what works for you.
Journey on,
Netta Fei