What You See Consistently Is What You Get
Read Ask Freida.
Meet Freida, the quintessential woman of color who embodies her true self 24/7. Since she has traversed the tangible terrains and swam the intangible waters to arrive at her true self, True Self Society engaged her to answer your most pressing questions in a monthly advice column. So, ask Freida, and brace yourself.
Dear Freida,
My brother and I are in a lengthy debate that I hope you can resolve for us. He says that the impulsive, turbulent, lying, cheating, disloyal, restless, chaotic, and misogynistic, fact-distortive behavior of President Trump that we hear about almost daily is true to who he is. I say it’s not. I say it’s a fake persona because no person in their right mind would want to be that way. Who’s right?
– Girl Puzzled
Dear Girl Puzzled,
You are not alone in your viewpoint. It’s like a loose cannon firing wildly on the edge of a high, jagged-edged cliff. Who would want that, indeed?
Unfortunately, the debate you’re having with your brother is common in today’s very tumultuous environment with toxic polarization at a fever pitch. People are waging wars of words with family, friends, coworkers, social media connections, and strangers in the grocery store check-out line.
Forgive this bit of off-topic advice, but if you choose to partake in what can often be vigorous discussions, then do take extra measures to lower the temperature to make sure they don’t become fiery and divisive. Start by acknowledging the anxiety and stress that others might be feeling because of the current political and economic climate. Create a safe space for them to convey their views, even if you disagree. And even if you share DNA with someone, you might not share the same political perspectives. Respect and value others’ opinions without attacking them.
Now, on to your question.
While no one can evaluate or diagnose the POTUS’s behavior without examining him professionally, some mental health professionals believe that Trump's behavior reflects his true character. In October 2024, a group of more than 200 mental health professionals labeled him with malignant narcissism, a mental health disorder characterized by grandiosity. They argued that his “lying, lack of empathy, and other behaviors” were indicative of who he is.
Whether he was born that way, groomed that way, became that way because of a childhood trauma, or some other reason, we will likely never know. He may not know. But what we do know (and what is well-documented) is that he has consistently shown up this way for most of his life, thereby accepting these behaviors as his truth. How a person shows up consistently, across various situations and settings, usually defines who they are. It is who they keep choosing to be. One thing that the nature of the POTUS is, is consistent. It appears that he is pleased with his character and I doubt that it keeps him up at night. Whether we agree with it or not, it does not matter.
As such, I’d say your brother is right. Pay him whatever you owe.
My question back to you is, what does the true self of the POTUS matter or signify for you and, basically, the rest of us?
Here’s a two-fold answer.
First, let’s lean into this familiar wisdom left to us by Auntie Dr. Maya Angelou: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Accept it as accurate (even if it’s not who you would be or want them to be) and abide by that. Expect that. Don’t convince yourself they are different than they appear. Frankly, it matters not whether it’s their true self; only they know if anyone does.
Secondly, what really matters is what you accept as true for you. If lying and deceit don’t align with your true self, then reject those behaviors. While the POTUS has chosen to live with these traits, you don’t have to. As citizens, we are only obligated to follow the laws of the land, not the character and actions of its leadership.
Dr. Michael Beckwith, author and founder and spiritual director of the Agape International Spiritual Center, says that the quality of your life is defined by your conscious choices, not actions of the President or anyone else. He recommends expanding your awareness through spiritual practices such as meditation, so you break away from negativity and fear. When you do that, you’ll start noticing synchronicities, intuition, and miracles in your life, he says. Then, you’ll vibrate on a higher level and will probably no longer ponder the true self of the man (or woman) in the White House.
Have a question for Ask Freida? Submit it anonymously here — and be as detailed as possible, please!
True Selfers’ practice this week:
Ponder what you accept as true for you. Start a list and review it daily, asking yourself, “How true does this feel to me?” Keep and nurture those that are true. Scratch through those that are not.
Repeat this week’s daily hymn: “What really matters is what I accept as true for me."
Float in the rhythm and soul of this musical psalm, Life Will Be by Cleo Sol, as you find you and your own path to a more fulfilling life.
Journey on,
Netta Fei